Failure

     So, the question of the day is “what is wrong with me.” After a horrible semester of avoidance and malaise, it has come down to the very real possibility of me failing two classes. The problem I have with this is twofold. 1) My pride. I have a lot of it, and I’ve never done something so STUPID as to let myself get into this situation. 2) I won’t graduate on time. Granted, many people don’t graduate on time, and I did add this second major at the last minute….but the very idea of taking an extra semester because I FAILED is just…so…horrifying to me. And it is ALL my fault. I need to figure out the root of the problem whether its depression or whatever because all I know is that this is not characteristic of me, and it really sucks. My parents have been cool…after initially being a little weird, Mom has been much better and has made me feel better. Dad as well, but I don’t know how to tell him this. He won’t be mad, he’ll wonder what’s wrong, what can he do, what can I do…and at the moment I don’t know and I don’t really want to hash it out with him.. Ugh. I just want it all to go away, I think that’s the biggest problem.
     Well, so I don’t fail the rest of my classes I better get to work. I have another paper to do tonight…and I need to get reading. Sigh.

One thing more. Today I was supposed to give a presentation, on a date that I VERIFIED with my teacher (one who told me she “doesn’t see how I’ll pass”) and I get there and two other girls are doing the presentation…and I’m sitting there with my computer and my notes and everything…. I was so mad. And afterwards she says that she’ll let me present on Friday……..I”ll have to repeat what the other people said! I don’t know what to do. She said I need to talk to the French advisor, a very nice lady. But how do you plead your case when it pretty much boils down to depression/irresponsibility/malaise? I wish I could win the lottery and move to France.